5 Places a Hawaiian Might go on Vacation

I have this co-worker who lives in Hawaii. He works remotely, obviously. He’s in the office this week, and he’s a pretty all-around good character. But it makes me wonder – if you live in Hawaii, where do you go on vacation? I mean, you’ve got some of the best scenery, food, beaches and outdoor recreation right there. Not to mention diversity from travelers all across the world.

I could just ask my co-worker, but that wouldn’t be any fun. So I’m gonna speculate with my Top 5 places a Hawaiian Would go on Vacation. Enjoy!

5. Greenland – So if you’re used to being warm and cozy, it seems you might want to be cold for awhile. I imagine Greenland is nice and remote in addition to being goolie-freezing cold. So it’s perfect for getting away from all that sunshine.

4. Moscow – I’ve never been to Moscow, but I’d imagine with rampant capitalism and the leftovers of Soviet architecture, a lot of it has to be an eyesore. I hear the crime rates aren’t exactly endearing it to many people, either. As for cuisine, I suppose some borscht would be a nice change from some of the planet’s finest seafood.

3. Belize City, Belize – Wow. This place is a hole. I expected it to be a lot better, because every travel rag blasts San Jose, Costa Rica, in much the same terms. But I found San Jose fun and lively, where Belize City was foul and depressing, from its airport to its boat terminal. Limbless panhandlers, smog and oppressive heat even in January (remember, I’m from Arizona) definitely take the shine out of this berg. A Hawaiian would find the dirty water and stench a real novelty.

2. Johannesburg, South Africa – If the movie District 9 is to be believed (and I’m certain it’s a dead-on accurate portrayal, ’cause when have the movies ever lied to us?), Johannesburg is a flat, dusty, sun-bleached morass of tract homes colliding with hand-built shanty towns. The city’s tourism crew, who are likely in the throes of bringing people in for the 2010 World Cup, must’ve forged diamonds in their intestinal tracts when this movie came out. Another spot-on destination to leave swaying hula dancers and luaus behind for awhile.

1. Detroit, Michigan – Ahhhhh! Urban blight. Economic ruin. A past-its-prime, overpaid hockey team. The home of Kid Rock. This all adds up to the antithesis to tropical paradise. Hey, I know Bruce Campbell was born here, and he totally rocks. But notice something? He left. He now lives in Oregon. So, Hawaiians, step right up and get your fill of abandoned, bullet-riddled buildings, dentally challenged, scruffily bearded residents (just wait ’till you see the men!) and bad weather. Take plenty of photos!

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