"Why didn't anyone tell me butt is so big?" (photo by Lorne Trezise FrozenMotionPhotos)

I never expected anyone to snap a photo of me on my mountain bike quite like this. Nobody told me that the white stripe on my (I thought) uber-cool Italian jersey made it look like I’m rolling in a filled-up pair of Huggies. Well, now I have to decide whether to wear that thing again!

Oh, well. I suppose it’s less jarring than taking my laps in a Borat-style slingshot thong.

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This is the first time I've ever seen a head at an electronic parts store. Not sure what you're supposed to do with this. Any ideas, anyone?

My fellow traveler, blog mentor and good friend Stacy told me “Japan is the ‘Land of WTF?’.” Korea also has a high WTF factor. But I saw nothing quite this weird there. Unless you count motorcycles riding the wrong way down sidewalks this weird.

Comments

• January 2, 2012, Bruce writes: Is it ceramic? Maybe it is used for a lamp shade
• January 2, 2012, WanderingJustin writes: Looked more rubbery to me ...

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The thought of wearing undies to match my special lady friend's doesn't sit well with me.

I hope my eyes have malfunctioned. I rub them with my knuckles, blink rapidly, shake my head like a dog shaking water from its fur. And then I re-focus.

Nope. I still see them: Two mannequins, one male, one female. They wear matching lingerie.

I leave the storefront, amazed. And I fervently hope it’s an aberration.

But soon, another storefront. Another set of mannequins in his-and-hers lingerie. Out comes the camera – without proof, nobody will believe me. Being behind a shop window and armed only with the point-and-shoot hampers me (Go to this grrrltraveler.com post for better photos of matching Koreans, plus some other quirks. It’s a very fun post!).

This repeats itself several times a day during my stay in Korea. Once the horror wears off, the amusement sets in.

Then for the coup de grace. I’m at Incheon International Airport waiting to board my Asiana Airlines flight to Los Angeles. I take a short stroll … and I notice a young Asian couple dressed in matching outfits. And another. And another. And another.

Several couples in, I started counting. Within five minutes, I arrive at my gate. During that time, the count hits 22. I whip out my compact point-and-shoot digital, surreptitiously trying to capture photographic evidence. The late-evening light and attempted stealthiness hamper my effort, and I barely get anything clear.

The winners: a couple wearing matching hoodies emblazoned with Marmite jars and the words “We Like It!”.

I have to assume they are the target demographic for the matching lingerie.

Please, please, please – do not let this trend come to the United States.

Comments

• November 7, 2011, Carolyn @HealthKitten.com writes: Ye gods, that's horrifying! I hope it doesn't come to the US either...
• November 11, 2011, Grace Richards writes: I know about his and hers shirts or pair shirts but not lingerie!
• December 17, 2011, Nichole L. Reber writes: The matchy-matchy is China struck me as funny, too. Fortunately I didn't see beneath clothing! It's not likely this would come to the US; we're individually oriented, whereas Asians are group-minded.

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David Zee Frenchman and Wandering Justin in Tokyo, catching up on nearly 20 years.

I have a lot to say about my trip to the Republic of Korean and Japan – including hikes, cityscapes, people and a whopping dose of enlightenment.

For now, though, here’s my major highlight – a reunion with a high school friend I hadn’t seen in 19 years. Davíd (aka Zee Frenchman), myself and Farhad – whose parents are from Iran – were pretty much Larry, Moe and Curly … though we had an occasional Shemp and Joe along. Throughout my junior and senior years of high school, we ate lunch, went bowling and engaged in fun verbal fisticuffs. By the time Davíd returned to France (after nearly being my college roommate), I felt like part of his family. Farhad actually did join me for a year in the ASU dorms.

I found Davíd online a few years ago and we had some sporadic contact. Just weeks before our trip, Sarah said “hey, isn’t The Frenchman in Tokyo?” YES! The light bulb went off, and I sent messages to not only his last-known email address, but his sister’s, too. It so happened that I sent it to one of those addresses people have and rarely check (I’m also guilty). By a stroke of luck, he happened to check it. And the reunion was on!

When we checked into the Sakura Hotel near Jimbocho Station, one of the managers came out and informed “Sarah-san” that a friend was looking for us. Moments later, David was there. Sarah returned from a quick freshen-up to find us about to dive into iced coffees before heading out on a quick jaunt of Tokyo sites.

Farhad, David Zee Frenchman and Wandering Justin circa 1992. NOTE: My mullet is hidden as a ponytail in this shot.

Even after nearly 20 years, the rapport was still there – the jokes, the banter … but we also mined a thread of serious conversation as the day went from Electric Town to dinner with his wife, Mika (who makes one nice couscous!). We discovered a similar political  direction and outlook on life, and I spied more than a few items on his book shelf that any visitor would also find on mine. Of course, he’s still a Magic: The Gathering-playing nerd!

Through it all, Sarah-san enjoyed a nice screen of two six-foot-two-plus gaijin trying to clear a path for her on the crowded Tokyo streets.

The sights and sounds themselves were something to behold. But even better? Having an old friend leading the way, reminding me of crazy things I said earlier in my life and forgotten (believe me, I returned the favor).

We ended the reunion at TY Harbor Brewing Company a few nights later, with Davíd treating us to some Japanese craft brew and tasty vittles. I look forward to welcoming him back to the States sometime to reconnect him to the rest of the old high school crew and to introduce him to some new friends (Beware, Stacy … your reputation precedes you).

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I’m in a metro station in Seoul, just south of downtown. As I study the line map, an Asian guy in a White Sox ballcap waves at me.

“Hello, Jesus!” he exclaims, clearly a reference to my long hair. But I don’t have a beard. I laugh anyway.

“Ah, Jesus,” I reply. “I like him very much. But he not help with curve ball.”

My Asian friend laughs, but stops short.

“I laugh, but I not understand.”

“It’s from Major League, a baseball movie. You should see it. You’ll love it.”

“I will see if I can download. God bless!”

Comments

• October 12, 2011, Nichole L. Reber writes: Been thinking a lot about my White Sox this week. Miss them. Every time I return home I pass the stadium, wave, and, like Annie Savoy in Bull Durham, I say, "Go get 'em, boys. Hit 'em where they ain't!" On a more serious note, I've a question: what difference does it make knowing all about the type of plane you're boarding if you have no control on what you board? I suppose when booking a flight online the web site tells you what kind of plane it is? And that extra little info, knowing this plane has better reclining seats or better lighting or better inflight Internet, etc., can mean a difference in rates, yes?
• October 13, 2011, WanderingJustin writes: Ah, it can help a lot. I may have to squirrel this question away for a future post. All will be revealed! (Or at least, all I can tell you will be revealed!)
• October 14, 2011, Katie writes: this made me laugh immensely. ahaha

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I don’t fly 7,500 miles to haggle in a fish market. Apparently, that’s a highlight of any trip if you happen to write  Frommer’s travel guides. At least that’s what I can infer from my Frommer’s South Korea travel guide.

I guess the writers think this all somehow makes them more worldly, this process of saving a few won on a kilo of mandarins or a dried hunk of squid. It’s literally nothing to the bank account, a dollar here and there. But these travel writers make it sound like it makes them plugged in.

Oh, please. I’ll bet they turn to jellyfish when faced with a real haggling challenge. So here’s a word for you Frommer’s/Lonely Planet/Insight guide types: Save your haggling “skills” for a worthwhile opponent who really is sucking undeserved money out of your pockets … someone like the finance manager at your car dealership.

That’s right – stand up to those characters. Show your steely-eyed bargaining prowess when it counts. Do your homework. Come prepared. Rebuff questions like “what do you want to pay a month?”. Say no to inflated destination charges. Don’t let anyone get away with running a credit check when you have your own financing lined up. That’s where you’ll save enough to finance at least part of your next trip if you really know how to drive a hard bargain.

But seriously – lay off the little old ladies trying to make a living. Shell out your 3,000 won. Take your bag of mandarins. Enjoy the Vitamin C. And maybe drop in and comment about why you take such pleasure in putting the screws to someone for a slightly better deal on a bucketful of fish parts/vegetables/knick-knacks. ‘Cause I can’t figure it out.

Comments

• October 7, 2011, Carolyn @HealthKitten.com writes: I wish I was a better haggler in more domestic settings. Having never traveled outside this country, I imagine I would just pay whatever price is listed. Lucky for me, my husband is a great negotiator! :) Great post! :)
• October 8, 2011, WanderingJustin writes: Glad you enjoyed! I actually love car haggling.
• October 10, 2011, Nichole L. Reber writes: From my experiences in China, India, Costa Rica, and Peru, I can definitely say haggling is mandatory. While I haggled when still a traveler, I definitely became better at it upon becoming an expat. Some travelers (check my link below) recommend waving cash in front of a vendor who won't budge. That's simply rude. In China we expats would often put the amount we were willing to spend on an item in one pocket. If they wouldn't come down, we'd show them that that's all we had. It worked well. There is something to be said about one's decision to bargain when traveling. Can we go so far as so say it means the difference between being a traveler vs being an expat? Or is it a tourist vs well-seasoned traveler? Can't say that I've learned how to bargain from a travel guide; It's something picked up after being gypped several times abroad. And of course it doesn't make me more connected; just less robbed. Overall I've found Latin America to be the easiest to bargain in. India wasn't fun. Once, in a store, a friend heard the sales person ask an Indian for half the price he'd asked of me for an item. My Indian friend got all up in his business and shamed the sales person. I ended up buying nothing. Check out the opposition's opinion: http://offtrackplanet.com/featured/how-to-bargain-around-the-world/ This is one of my favorite posts-- not only can I see your almost visceral reaction, I actually disagree with you (not so common).
• October 10, 2011, WanderingJustin writes: From where I`m looking, there`s a difference between "ex-pat survival skill" and "tourist fulfilling the guidebook Top 10." And it`s a matter of degree - are you negotiating because you are getting overcharged for a serious purchase? If that is the deal, go for it! But in my fish market sort of example, I say blow it off and save the skills for the big purchases. Etiquette is definitely another matter - the gestures and explanations seem to be almost a ritual in certain regions. I'm assuming you've seen "The Life of Brian" and it's awesome haggling scene?
• October 21, 2011, Suzy writes: ha! This made me laugh as it does always seem guidebooks tell you to haggle down a price at markets. I couldn't agreed more. It's not worth a few cents in many cases, especially when that vendors clearly needs the money.
• October 22, 2011, Claire writes: Hear hear! Car salesman are evil.
• October 24, 2011, Dale writes: Haggling is usually couched as "if you don't haggle, they don't respect you." So I feel sort of compelled to do it, even if I feel like I'm cheating them. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If I had some basis for knowing what the 'real' price is (like I just saw a local pay), then I'd feel more inclined to do it. Otherwise, I'd rather not bother. Good to know there's a contrary opinion out there.
• October 26, 2011, Geoff writes: I have to say as well that haggling is usually couched as “if you don’t haggle, they do not respect you.” So I feel type of compelled to do it, even if I really feel like I’m cheating them. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If I had some foundation for understanding what the ‘real’ price is (like I just noticed a nearby pay), then I’d feel much more inclined to do it. Otherwise, I’d instead not hassle. Good to know there is a contrary opinion out there.
• October 27, 2011, WanderingJustin writes: Respect doesn't play into it for me. Whether someone who lives half a world away respects me ... well, it won't make me lose any sleep. And like Nichole said earlier - it's great if you're an expat. Then it matters to not have to pay more than you have to. You should see the electronics markets in Seoul - they're all about the haggling! They chased after me a few times, but the prices were just so skewed that it didn't make sense to buy from them.

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Wearing a loud jersey should also be on the list for more mountain bike cred. Overlooked it, though!

I am one smoove, cool mountain biker. To surpass me, you have to sacrifice a few things … like good hygiene, your home and any semblance of a decent automobile.

You want the details – you need the details. So read my post about attaining the pinnacle of mountain bike street cred. You can find it at the Trail’s Edge blog.

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If this was your cat, he'd make your top 5 list, too.

There’s a fool I pity – and that’s the unlucky sucker who is in front of me while boarding my Asiana Airlines flight to Korea. Any slow movers in front of me might wind up with my hoofprints on their backs. And I’ll probably volunteer to herd every other passenger aboard and personally buckle them into their seats so we can take off. Yes, I’m that fired up.

But as excited as I am about my first Asian adventure, I know that there are things I’ll miss. I’ll be fine without them for a few days. But then … they’ll pop into my mind. And here they are:

The Cat – For the past 10 years, Noir has been my furry little buddy. He is a very vocal, energetic, people-loving character. Not bad for an ill-bred, uncouth, back-alley tomcat! Unlike most cats, he also holds no grudges about my occasional long absence. And props as always to my bandmate and friend Todd, who looks after Noir during my adventures.

It's hard to fit all these guys in the same frame.

My Band – I’ve been playing music with the fools in Hung Dynasty for seven years. The aforementioned cat-sitter Todd was one of the two co-best men at my wedding. The other two guys are just as awesome, as are the former members (Phung, Stacy, Laura, Matt). I love playing my instrument. I like the tunes we play. I thrive on the banter. Playing live music loud and nasty – it’s addictive. I miss it when I’m on the road adventuring.

The Bike – I can ride just about any quality bike and be happy. Bike shorts, shoes, pedals and helmets are another story. I’ve gotta have my own. And they take up a lot of room in a pack. So I forgo the mountain biking when I travel. Unfortunately, I often see people riding and I wind up with a series jones for some saddle time.

Both my AdventureMobiles ...

The Mexican Food – Sometimes, I can’t even go straight home from the airport. I have to stop at Le Condesssa and get a quesadilla. And one of its many types of savory salsas – like chipotle, cilantro and even pecan (yes, you read that right). If I’m somewhere like Iceland or the Midwest, the craving gets even more powerful.

The Car – There’s something about my Subaru Forester, my personal Battlestar Galactica. Sitting in the seat, stickshift in-hand … I just feel at home. I know every noise it makes, every quirk. And I can MacGyver just about anything from the contents of its backseat. It also out-drives just about any car I’ve ever rented … except the Subaru Impreza I rented in Portland.

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Comments

• August 23, 2011, Nichole L. Reber writes: That looks like the two pussy cats I had to leave behind when I moved abroad 2.5 years ago. Boo hoo! I love the thought of you bringing your guitar, though-- very sexy. And oh dude! Can I relate to missing Mexican food. I love to cook, but it's never the same as returning back home and having it made for you. When my dad took me to a Mex restaurant after I'd been gone for two years, my belly became big enough to call me the Mexican Food Buddha. I'll send off a Tweet about this good, evocative read.

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Miguel from Adventure Bicycle Company in Mesa has heard every fib and sob story from people trying to pull a fast one. Don't even try!

“Bike mechanics know when you’ve been abusing or neglecting your bike – just like the dentist can tell that your choppers haven’t seen floss for years.”

That’s the beginning of “4 Lies People Tell Their Bike Mechanic,” a post I wrote for the Trailsedge.com blog. It’s all about some of the most filthy, vile whoppers people use to turn misfortune or negligence in their favor.

If you are cyclist of any sort or a mechanic, take a look. Nod sagely, and pass it on!

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Read my mountain bike ramblings at the Trailsedge.com blog.

Need a fix of mountain bike blogging? Then bounce on over to my work on the Trailsedge.com blog. I’m covering mountain bikes for the online retailer.

My mission at Trailsedge.com: to be informative, but funny. So far, I’ve hit on some pressing topics … why you shouldn’t wear tighty-whiteys under your bike shorts, how riding a bamboo bike makes you cycling’s answer to Bono, how gyrating dancers in sequined bikinis mean you must always carry a digital camera, and how to avoid winding up being vulture bait during hot summer riding.

Check it out and enjoy!

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